Thoughts on Suffering and Bounty (a Puritan moment)

Today has been a great day. I made it to the gym. This is a feat in itself, and one which I must try harder to do more often. Not because I need to look better (good heavens- I'm pregnant and looking large!), but because the energy I receive from that 40 minutes reaps all sorts of blessed benefits! My gym time usually consists of a 30 minute low-impact elliptical (sp??) work out, WHILE reading...and reading important stuff. I'm a mother of five, soon to be six, and keeping my priorities in line is of utmost importance. If they're even slightly out of whack, the family feels it or sees it (no dinner on the table, no clean underwear, no floor to walk on, etc.). So when I make it to the gym, I don't spend hours doing all sorts of weight things or sitting in the sauna (though it does sound appealing sometimes!)- I just don't think that would be a profitable way to spend time, nor would it honor the Lord. I have to accomplish two things at once.
This morning, though, as usual when I make it to the gym, my spirits were greatly encouraged through what I was reading. It's a book I had begun reading a while ago, and just recently picked it up again to re-read the beginning, and this time, to finish it. (Don't pretend like you can't relate) Anyway, I was so compelled this morning, and so incredibly blessed. Ironically, it's a book about suffering. So why in the world did I pick this one up at this time of incredible blessing in my life? Well, I bought it to send to my cousin (who is suffering with cancer- see my blog list) but thought I'd read it before sending it. And as we all have often heard, we will all suffer at some point, so it's best to prepare yourself. (That's a proactive type of preparing as I've been taught, not the same as "being prepared", as if it's some sort of thing you just "brace yourself" for.)
Anyway, Greg Harris may just become one of my favorite authors. Having read just two chapters this morning, I am so moved. He went through some tremendous physical suffering- we're talking so much pain from rheumatoid arthritis that EVERY day for months the pain would wake him up in the early hours of the morning, when he would go downstairs to the recliner where he would pass in and out of consciousness for several hours, with pain as he described being like bones breaking every 15 seconds or so. Not only was he physically suffering, but following those months he went through great suffering emotionally and spiritually, and honestly describes how he felt in his walk with the Lord. No fluff.
"Repeatedly my prayer would be, 'I do not understand. I do not understand.' One of my greatest heartaches was as a father I have a deep and joyous relationship with my children. I also know Scripture teaches that God is our loving, heavenly Father as well. Yet here was one of His children repeatedly calling out to Him in despair-but God would not answer. I told God, 'Lord, I know you are a better Father than I am. Everything I do as a father, You are my role model; love, support, security, discipline, protection, encouragement- I learned them all from You. But I do not see a parallel for what You are doing now. I cannot think of any situation where I would hold my children at arm's length and not want to be with them when they sought me. I will not curse you, and I will not deny You are my Lord and my God, but I do not like what You are doing. I would not treat my children the way You are treating me. I do not understand. I do not understand."
This is where his life-changing journey about understanding suffering began. I am so excited to see where it took him, and look forward to learning about how I will deal with suffering when (not "if") it comes my way. At this point, I am enjoying God's greatest blessings being so kindly bestowed on me and my family. He is blessing bountifully right now, and I am reminded to be grateful and thankful in these times of plenty. Yet, I know times of suffering will come, and will be allowed by this same gracious and compassionate God to endure trials.
Resolved, to prepare myself and know My God so well that when suffering comes, I will endure with grace and will seek to trust Him with all my heart!
Resolved, as well, to not rest during these times of blessing and assume that His blessing is anything other than His benevolence on this wretched sinner.