Who Wants to get a North Carolina Driver's License??

Okay, I know I have been slacking, but I promise a few posts here in the next few days. I am compelled to write today because I am slightly annoyed, and I'll tell you why. I think it'll make me feel a little better.
A few months ago, we were warned by some friends that it's not really easy to get a drivers license in North Carolina. Admittedly, Kurt and I were sure that we would not face the same difficulty that they did. Then we heard it again. "The computerized test is quite a deal..." We've kind of put it off for a while, and then we've faced several difficulties (Ugh, I hate to admit it...). Anyway, as of today, we've been to the drivers license office a combined total of... well, more times than we've wanted to. Anyway, we've had to pull together way too many documents to appease the "licensing officers" (who, by the way, look very official in their cop-like uniforms), and we were SO excited to have all of the papers we needed in one envelope ready to go today. Finally we arrived at the office with all of the acceptable documents in order. Before we were even asked, we plunked those papers down on the counter proudly, and were granted our number tabs. Ahhh, the relief and sense of accomplishment! You wouldn't believe the crazy hoops we've had to jump through. We sat down with the other fine citizens of Hickory and waited our turn. Our numbers were called simultaneously, and behind the official counter we went to sit down with two different officers for our next set of challenges.
With my documents paper-clipped neatly together, I sat down with a pleasant middle-aged officer and handed him the goods. "Hello California Girl", he said with a smile as he took my old license (don't be fooled). He muddled through the papers and asked me a few questions about my vision, and something else. "Okay, now look through this (some sort of vision testing thing) and read the first line for me. "B, A, C, D, R, O, M, X." Pretty sure I passed. "Okay, now what's on the next line?" "Um, a Stop sign, a yellow circle sign" "Ah, yes," he interrupted. "Now what does that yellow circle sign represent?" My heart is now beating a little faster. "Um, railroad crossing?" "No, it's (shoot, I've already forgotten what he said)______. And what about the next one?" Stink!! I'm looking at that sign that's like a yellow square with a yellow triangle on top of it, but I know that's not what he's asking! However, I have to say something. "Uh, it's a yellow square with a triangle on top???" "And that represents... what?" I think I resigned that I was done. I would have to take home the manual and do some studying. "I don't know. Pedestrians?" "No. School Crossing." Well I recognize that sign if the people are in it!! After a few more of these, and not knowing what any of the shapes represented, there was a sense of defeat. Oh well. Now really, who in the world knows what the SHAPE and color of a sign represents?? Isn't that why they make signs with words or pictures?? And I don't remember studying these in drivers ed.
After I finished the vision test, I was a little surprised that he didn't shut me down and send me home, but instead sent me over to a computer where he had set me up to take the computerized part of the test. He gave me some clear instruction and sent me to the last computer for my multiple choice test. "There are 25 questions, and you have to get 20 of them correct. Skip the ones you aren't sure of, and come back to them at the end." Okay. I haven't taken a test in who knows how long, but I felt like I was ready. How hard can it be? After all, I have been driving for nearly 20 years and have never been pulled over for a traffic violation. And, I usually like taking tests. This will be a breeze. I sit at the computer and carefully read the directions. "There are pictures to the side of the question to help you. If you want to zoom in on the pictures, simply drag the mouse over the picture and double click. After you've chosen your answer, the computer will ask you to confirm. 'Is A your final answer?" Click on the box that says 'yes,' or the box that says 'no'." Welcome to "Who wants to get a North Carolina Drivers License!" (Okay, that's not exactly what it said, but the "final answer" part is true!) And I'm guessing that the odds of winning the prize are about the same.
Question number one. "If a driver is pitting and swerving, this is a problem with A)Brakes, B)Suspension, or C)Steering. WHAT??? First of all, WHO CARES what the problem is, I've just got to avoid him, right? Be safe? I'm not a mechanic, and I don't think I'm going to stop the guy and let him know what kind of mechanical problem HE'S having with HIS car. Or is it law in the state of North Carolina for me to identify others' mechanical problems and help them fix their car?? Don't you think the question should read, "If a driver is pitting (whatever that means) and swerving, should you A)speed up and pass them to protect yourself, B)pull off to the side of the road and call the cops, or C)slam on your breaks and stop all traffic behind you? or something like that. SKIP.
Question number two. It is illegal to drive with a blood alcohol level of A)0.5, B)0.05, or C)0.08. I have NO idea. I don't drink a lick, so I have no idea. Nor do I think it is helpful for the safety of any drivers around me if I have this tidbit tucked away in my brain. In fact, I think it's a silly question. I don't know of anyone who checks their blood alcohol level before getting behind the wheel to drive. Do you? SKIP. (Maybe that tucked away fact from drivers ed. 20 years ago will pop back into my head in the next 15 minutes even though it hasn't in like 18 years).
Question number three. When approaching a right hand curve in the road, you should A)Brake in the middle of the curve, B)slow down 30 feet before the curve, or C)gradually slow down as you approach the curve and drive at a safe speed through it. Hmm. B and C both sound good to me. However, I think if the word "safe" is in the answer, I better pick it. C it is. Final answer. YES!!! I got one right!! At this point, Kurt is now sitting two computers down from me taking his computerized test.
Question number 4. You will have your license immediately suspended if A)you are convicted of driving while impaired, B)you are convicted of reckless driving, or C)you are eating while driving. AGH! Two answers with "convicted" in them!!?? Both sound pretty bad to me! Isn't the point that I should NOT drive while impaired and NOT drive recklessly? Are they trying to get me to choose to drive either recklessly or impaired (whichever one won't get my license taken away?) SKIP.
Question number 5. If you are taking medications, you should A)never drive B)drive carefully or C)read the label on the medication to see if there are any warnings. AHA!! Got another one! YES! It didn't look so bad on the bottom of my computer screen to see "2 Correct, 0 Wrong". I looked up at Kurt. I was rubbing my hands together being silly and whispered "How are you doing?" He smiled and we were just giggling, when "SSSSSSSSSHHHHHHH" went the official she-officer. Seriously?? We're not cheaters. I felt like I was in high school again.
Question number 6. When passing on a two lane highway, A)the law says you must have 50 feet of clearance (clearance where?)B)you should look both directions and make sure you have a safe distance (aha! "safe"!!) with which to pass or C)some other answer that didn't make sense. Pretty sure I got this one, but let's just sit on that for a while. SKIP.
I won't bore you with all of them, but I will tell you that I got going and gained some confidence with 19 right answers. I had skipped 6. I wasn't sure if I would cycle back to the same questions, or if I would be fed new ones, but sure enough, the same ones popped back up. At this point, Kurt was firing through and seemed to be pretty confident. I glanced at him, and just past him directly in my line of sight was she-officer giving me a nice teacherly glare, scaring me slightly. I really wanted to ask how he was doing, but was seriously intimidated. Anyway, with 19 right, all I had to do was to answer ONE question out of SIX correctly. Just ONE. That's all. No problem. Back at it. Trying to figure out what "pitting" is. Know what swerving is. Sounds like a steering problem to me. C. Final answer. WRONG. Stink. 19 correct, 1 wrong. Tainted score.
Blood alcohol. No idea. Guessed wrong. 19 correct, 2 wrong. Starting to sweat. "Um, I'd like to phone a friend??" Nevermind. I felt the glare again.
"Convicted" question. Reckless or impaired. Wrong guess again. 19 correct, 3 wrong. My confidence is waning. I give myself a pep-talk. I can beat this thing. Moving on.
50 feet of clearance, or "safe" distance. C'mon. Let's just be safe. B. Final answer. WRONG-O. 19 correct, 4 wrong. Yikes. Really? At this point, Kurt gave a little fist pump, and hopped up from his computer. I REALLY wanted to cheat at this point. But he was gone. I felt helpless. With only one question left, I started praying. Really. Lord, I do NOT want to get up from this computer and have wasted an afternoon. I do not want Kurt to beat me. (I am SO competitive! Still!) Lord, please help me to get one of these questions right. Please. I had to guess again. This was IT. Either I passed, or I didn't. It all came down to ONE stinkin' question, with three really obscure, meaningless, silly, answers. Wanna know the question? Here it was. Most freeway accidents are A)Rear-ending accidents, B)Side-swiping accidents, or C)Driving into the shoulder accidents. I guess we're supposed to really avoid one type, and only sort-of avoid the other two? And yes, there was a picture. Only it wasn't helpful at all. It was a picture of the freeway. Of cars. Driving at a safe distance from one another. Not of a freeway accident, (it would have been helpful if it was a picture of a car rear-ending another car). Just a picture of a normal-old freeway. I guessed side-swiping. I was wrong. After clicking the "final answer" button, I heard the horns go off, and saw the lights come up, and Regis said, "I'm sorry, you've just lost everything. No prize for you today." The computer told me I had failed, and sent me back up to the "officers desk" where everyone had a good laugh. Kurt was a gracious winner and the prize was bestowed on him with smiles and congratulations from all of the officers. They didn't seem to mind sending me away with nothing. They said I could come back tomorrow but could only take the test once a day. I sure hope I pass tomorrow.
Oh, and there were pictures with all of the questions. The alcohol question had a very helpful picture of alcohol of all different kinds. There was a wine glass, a beer bottle, and some other booze. And to think, I still got the question wrong. The "conviction" question even had a picture of a nice lady sitting in a police station having a discussion with a police officer. I couldn't quite tell what she was convicted of. She was facing the other direction, or I might have been able to read her expression.
And the curve question? Yep, you guessed it. A picture of a curve in the road. Now I guess it would have been helpful if they had foot markers on the side of the road labeled 30 feet behind the curve where the car happened to be, brake lights on, and a police officer giving a thumbs down to the car as it entered the curve. No such luck.
Okay, now I'm actually looking forward to going back tomorrow. Just for the pictures. I'm going to look closer tomorrow.
I almost forgot. There was another silly question about someone driving poorly, and I'm going to make sure I ask about it tomorrow. No joke, the second answer read B)a woman.
Last thing. Now, I have to be careful how I say this. The most ironic part of this whole thing is when you consider who they handed that license to when we walked out the door. I'm NOT saying that Kurt is a bad driver. He is a self-declared "skillful driver" (and he likes to test those skills) though he is very sensitive to me when he drives. But I have to say that if you were to compare the two of us and the way we drive, hands down, without argument, 99.99% of all the people who have ridden with both Kurt and I would say that they are more comfortable with the way that I drive over the way that he drives. But he is the one who can now legally drive in the state of North Carolina. Me? Well, I get to do this all over again tomorrow. And I still may not pass if there are a bunch of those ridiculous questions on the test. However, I've determined I'm going to attempt to smuggle in my iPhone and get real photos of the test along with the pictures. Pray that I don't get caught! And I just might fail on purpose so I can read more questions and gather a few sermon illustrations for my husband along the way. (at least I'll say that now so I have an excuse).