Well, since some of you moms appreciated Mr. Abbotts wisdom on mothering, here's another tidbit I read today. Okay, so it's more than a tidbit. Please don't give up reading this because it's long, I guarantee it will shock and move your heart (if you have small to medium sized little people running around you). Better yet, (with Kurt's encouragement) I am going to summarize this amazing point that struck me today. This quote begins on page 65.
Here is his premise: "Avoid introducing religious subjects upon inappropriate occasions. There are times when serious injury is done by urging the claims of religion." Basically, he is telling us that there are times when it is NOT appropriate to discuss religious things with our kids. For example, if our kid is really angry about something, it would be unseasonable (and unreasonable!) to "converse with him upon the wickedness of these feelings and God's displeasure." We would so frustrate our child that we would be turning them off to religion. However, if we waited until the angry feeling subsided, then attempted to reason with him in "the pensive hour of evening, when his mind is calm, and passion is not triumphing over reason, he will hear you, and may be melted to contrition."
Isn't this brilliant? How often do I feel like I need to address the issue in the moment! I have little patience and feel like they need to "hear it" immediately. Sometimes I fear that I will forget to address it later. But this is my responsibility, my duty- and I need to take it seriously, and make sure that I do remember to discuss it later with that kiddo. Proverbs 29:20 warns us to not be hasty with our words, and we know that we are to be patient at all times (I Thess. 5:14). And yes, that means even with our kids.
Resolved: not to deal with significant emotional sin issues in the moment, but wait until a seasonable time when with my motherly discernment I determine that my child's heart is prepared to receive truth, and in a better position to respond to it.
Isn't this the goal? Not just to fill their minds (with truth), but to shape their hearts? Shouldn't we give them the best opportunity for that by being wise with our timing and strategic with our words? I find that it is much easier to download information and truth on them, hoping that they will receive it, be able to sort it out, and be changed by it. This is definitely easier, but much less effective. I am resolved and determined today to be much more deliberate in my heart-shaping! Tomorrow I will share other "inappropriate" times to download truth on our kids.
4 comments:
Hi Julie,
I'm loving your comments from Abbott. Keep them coming!
Heidi
Yes this makes total sense. While waitng for the opportune time that gives us the time to pray and take the log out of our own eye. I love that description of waiting until his "passion is not triumphing over reason."
How can you apply this to younger one's like my 20 month old? He understands a lot but forgets quickly too.
I've heard some argue that waiting for a child to "cool off" before dealing with them gives them the control and not you as the parent. However for me I've always thought it "worked" better in our home to wait a little, mainly for my own self but also for my children too.
I ordered the book yesterday! I can't wait to read it. I need a mommy refresher! Keep on posting about this!
What pearls of wisdom Julie! My "kids" are teenagers, young men ... one just having flown the coop ... yet this counsel rings more true and more beneficial for me now than ever before in parenting adult/nearly adult children! Thank you for being faithful to share wisdom gained. GOD encourages me through these things ... knowing that HE is faithful to hear the prayers of us whom HE counts as righteous because of HIS Son crucified and risen ... and HE will help me to sow the seeds the brilliant gospel through such instruction! What an honor and joy!
Monique, I really think this principle is for older kids. I too have a 20 month old, but she's not understanding much about spiritual things at all yet. She needs to be corrected immediately when she lashes out. At that age they are usually so sad that they've done something mommy doesn't approve of, and they quickly can change that attitude. That's where we're at, at least.
About "giving them the control"- I do think that it is appropriate (as does John!) to address the issue in the moment, but with a different approach. I send them to do something that would sooth their emotions, not excite them. I have sent my child to their room to "think about it", which allows them to calm down, removes them from the temptation, and almost always works (for one of my children) to cause them to repent. With the other kids, I will send them to their rooms and tell them they can pick out a book to read on the way. This helps to calm them down. We can talk about it then with reason! I hope that helps.
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